Water Water Everywhere…

Posted on by Jennifer GB

and I can’t stand to drink it. Yep. I am not the biggest water fan. If i’ve worked out and am real thirsty, then I can drink it but it has to be very cold. Otherwise I have to use Mio or some other water flavoring in order to get it down. One gallon a day is what I am suppose to drink. Very daunting when you think about it. SO! That being said, a friend suggested I get one of these by Hydromate.com. (no they are not paying me to push their products I think its just damn cool to have a bottle this big.

I thought I’d give their hydration flavorings a try to see if they’re any better than Mio.

One of these a day is all I have to drink. Along with peeing a dozen times too. My husband will not be thrilled when he sees I brought another water bottle into the house. “They are the bane of my existence!!” he complains. Right now I use a 30 oz yeti insulated tumbler that I empty pretty quickly. This jug will be easier at work.

Another step towards getting healthier!

Good Intentions

Posted on by Jennifer GB

Wow. It’s been a while since I’ve written an entry here. So much has happened since January. So…where to begin. Speed update: I have been hired by the NYS Department of education as a support assistant to a wonderful woman who is vision impaired. I pretty much help her out with computer work, reading documents that can’t convert to her special programs like JAWS and the occasional site visit (when things get back to normal from this pandemic). I work from home three days a week, in the office two. Funny thing, she lives a couple blocks away from me so I give her the ride home on the two days we’re in the office.

In March my Grandmother died so we went to the funeral in NJ. Two days later they closed our schools down for the pandemic and thus far we are not going back till minimum October 15th after a reevaluation to see how things look. Then It might be a hybrid opening where K-6 goes to school spread across all the district school buildings and 7-12 distance learns. Since both my kids are in high school, distance learning for them. One loves the idea. The other wants to go back because he misses his teachers and friends.

Yesterday I got on the scale and am at my highest weight of 301. After a bought of sobbing, I got determined. Yesterday i got in 110 oz of water. Walked 3/4 of a mile plus did the stairs at home a lot to do laundry. Got 7747 steps in by the time I fell into bed. Also started using my Lose IT! app again. Today, got up, had coffee and breakfast and then did a beginner weight training video. My stomach got in the way a little for the mat exercises but i modified and still did it to the best of my ability. Guzzling the water again today. Plan to walk to the post office again. Did fine walking except for the low back really hurting by the time I got back home. Since I gain my weight in my torso and have a gut, its understandable I had the back pain. In time, it will shrink.

I figured all this time ive been trying to do low carb and it isn’t working..i need to get off my ass and deal with the pain of my neck injury and work out anyway. I also decided that I can do lower carb but I feel like its not feasible to do it forever. Lets face it: I like bread. Not cheap shit white sandwich bread but good crusty artisan bread. Do I have it often? No. So I figure its ok to have a slice on occasion when its with a nice dinner. Same goes for sweets. I am adopting the moderation in everything mindset. Not denying myself anything just limiting it. I mean come on..its food…its not like I will never have that food again ever so small portion. I know I’ll have it again at some point. Savor the taste, enjoy it then move on. So, Im not proud of hitting that number on the scale but it will not be at that number long at all. I have a goal of losing the desired 120 pounds by my 50th birthday in just under 2 years. I can do this.

Im posting starting day 1 photos of myself. Now you know I’m REALLY serious if I’m willing to show what I look like. I’ll get my measurements later when I find my quilting measuring tape.

Another January Day…

Posted on by Jennifer GB

So I went to a class at the employment center yesterday on Civil Service jobs. Got some good information and came home and read it over last night with a cup of spiked coffee (Bailey’s if you’re wondering). When I got up this morning I looked up the clerical jobs that I was interested in taking tests for to find out today is the last day to apply to take the test. DANG! Thank you powers that be for lighting a fire under my ass. So i spent near an hour filling out three applications, locating my college transcripts and finding my payment history from unemployment so I have proof and can have the test fees waived. I think I’m developing carpal tunnel, lol! I know this path of employment may take a while so I will look for something local till hopefully one of these positions pop up and I am sent a canvasing letter. I have another class at the job center on Government jobs at 1:30 so I figure I’ll run and drop these off before than do my grocery shopping afterwards.

The kids have off this week due to some state testing they didn’t have to take so I am having some fun time with them. I think tomorrow we’ll go see Doolittle at the theaters. There are actually a few movies I’d like to go see: Jumanji 2, Little Women, Underwater…to name a couple. I am a bit of a horror movie girl. Nothing gory like Saw or the like, more like psychological or ghost type movies. Paranormal Activity had alternate endings that had me dashing down the unlit hallway at my previous house and jumping into bed. Yes, go ahead…chuckle. Sometimes I’m a wuss.

We have some snow here on the ground that fell on Saturday last. The below freezing temps have kept it from melting. I am longing for Spring and the warmer temps. Hubby and I have this plan to create a garden off the patio. We have become obsessed with this youtube channel of young asian woman in the South Western Province of China who lives with her grandparents and creates all this food from scratch. Also making household items as well. But I mean, she gets duck eggs from an outside source, has a chicken on her farm sit on them and hatch them. She then raises the ducks so she has the duck eggs to make this recipe. A lot of her videos are spanned over time. Making traditional ink from the soot of tung oil (that one I believe took 2 years). Her most recent one was growing cotton so she could harvest it and make a new mattress cover for her Grandmother. She did the same thing with silk worms and made a comforter and pajamas for her. Anyway the garden she has is huge and gorgeous covered in many varieties of vegetables and flower. We have plans to set up a smaller more modest version of hers. I’m like an addict and get notified whenever she uploads a new video and rush over to watch it. I’ve spread my addiction to other friends too.
( If you’re interested: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoC47do520os_4DBMEFGg4A) I have been researching what is good to grow in our zone, which is 6. I’m going to start collecting seeds and soon will start small indoor mini green houses to get them to sprout.

Well, gotta run these apps down to the county office before the class. Ciao!

Accountability

Posted on by Jennifer GB

I’ve been unemployed for about three months now. I was injured on the job by faulty equipment and while on workman’s compensation, they “eliminated my position”. I herniated two disks in my neck and pulled muscles down my left shoulder and back. The injury occurred in June. Being injured, depressed and not able to do normal routine or exercises, I’ve gained weight. 20 some pounds to be exact. Now, I am a plus sized woman to start with, so this isn’t saying I was a size 10 and ballooned up. But I was doing a low carb diet (which seems to be the only thing that works for me because of my PCOS) and had lost a good chunk of weight. Once I was injured and not able to even walk more than a few feet before pain would kick in, depression also kicked in and I am unfortunately an emotional eater. Since it was hard to cook, I did take out. When I weighed myself this morning to get an idea, it said….well I am not comfortable listing it here yet. Needless to say its the heaviest I have ever been to date. I signed up with the Weight Watcher’s app a few days ago and started it today after my weigh in….at home. I’m way too embarrassed to go to a meeting right now. I’ve never found them to be much help anyway.

I know one of my issues with helping to shed the weight is exercise. I have some injuries that I have sustained over the years aside from this recent one (broken back in 1997 in a car crash to name another) that make it hard to do a lot. Also, i detest exercise. Maybe because my injuries started when I was in high school (knee injury in sports). I love swimming. Its the least painful exercise I have found so far and we have a small above ground pool but honestly, that is only usable from June to September. Money is tight so a membership to a gym with an indoor pool is not in the budget right now. What is a girl to do?

I love food. All the things I love are bad for me or I’m allergic to (recently found out I’m allergic to bread yeast, cinnamon and mushrooms. YEA!! WTF!!). I am open to suggestions. I have no desire to be a runway model or wear a skimpy bikini next summer. Let’s face it..I have two children and have the stretch marks to prove it. My stomach should not see the light of day again. I just want to wear non plus size clothing and like my body. As much as I try to be a body positive plus sized woman, right now it’s very hard. I give kudos to those women out there that do it and look damn good! I never seem to look that good. I just about cry when I see myself in my bathroom vanity mirror and let me tell you.. I dont even look in a full length mirror cause that just amps up the body dis-morphia and depression.

So I ask my few readers out there…What is a girl to do?

I am open to suggestions, sites, etc. Help a sister out!

Another Fresh Start…

Posted on by Jennifer GB

Yea, I’m writing this at near 5am on January 5th, 2020. I always have these entries written in my head before I log on…hours before I log on and then when I get to the keyboard.. *POOF*…gone. Old age? Early onset senility? Who knows. It goes along with walking into a room with something i wanted to do or get and forgetting by the time I get there.

So I am my BF’s house. We crashed here so we could hang out late into the evening and we didn’t have to drive back home which is near 90 minutes away. We brought the whole family..including our three dogs. My husband was not thrilled with this. Honestly he isnt thrilled with the whole leaving the house on the weekends kinda thing. It’s really quite annoying. When we dated, he said “I’ll go anywhere with you and do anything with you because I want to spend time with you.” I warned him i traveled a lot, visited friends long distance a lot (because of a medieval recreation group Ive been in for 27 years) and that he had to be ok with that. He agreed said he was fine with that. 7 years later, not so much. Maybe some background history is in order. He grew up a bit of a loner, his Dad having one of those jobs that moved them around every few years. He said making friends was pointless if he was leaving in a short amount of time. So, he’s content to come home and either putter around the house on the weekends or just relax watching t.v. or video games. I was raised differently. My family was very social. I was raised by two teachers so I lived in one home for 18 years before moving to my Grandmother’s house across the street after she passed away. We went to friends houses on the weekends, even during the week. Summers were spent traveling around and vacationing up in New Hampshire on a lake with another family for a week. I loved it. I had/have dreams of traveling and seeing various sites around the world. I’ve been to Ireland, Italy and a few spots in Canada as well as 2/3’s of the United States. I have a list of places I want to visit. Him…not so much. He says he wants to travel but i think deep down inside that isnt true. Yesterday driving up he complained about going somewhere where he will sleep on an uncomfortable bed, sit on an uncomfortable couch and be uncomfortable in general. Massive chip on the shoulder and just bitchy. “But if I dont go you’ll be pissed at me”. How the fuck am I suppose to feel after he says that statement and we are halfway to the destination?! Honestly it makes me question a lot of things I realize over the years we have been together. Sweet romantic gestures in our first couple years and now nothing. Yea i know…that happens a lot. That’s settling into a marriage right? But those are the things that made me fall in love with him. The gestures, the promises, the plans we made. And now? Now it’s come home from work, eat dinner and fall asleep on the couch watching manly reality tv. (FYI I HATE reality tv. DRAMA! DRAMA! DRAMA!!) Take out dinner once a week. No desire to go anywhere on the weekends. No desire to do the home improvements we want to do because he’s tired (construction worker) and wants to relax. (then why did we buy a fixer upper house for God’s sake?!?!)

Yeah, I know. I’m ranting.I’m focusing on the bad. Every spouse has complaints and such they don’t like about their spouse after years of being together. I love him, but its a love/hate relationship sometimes. I’m sitting here with one of the dogs that had to go out at 3am. None of the other dogs would settle because we didn’t bring their crates. The one dog had a couple accidents (never has them at home) so I am thoroughly embarrassed about that even though they had no problems with it. He moped around on the sofa the whole night not saying a word and being completely antisocial. It looked like he was pouting at the fact that he couldnt be napping incessantly on the couch at home. I thought the bed was as comfortable as our own but it was a bit warm in the room (hell we crack a window in the winter..we like a cool bedroom to sleep in) so I stayed downstairs and lounged on the couch with the the one pooch I took outside. She settled and napped but now she’s whining and wanting her two “siblings”. Im dwelling and stewing over everything.

Then I thought, perhaps he acts this way because he has anxieties that he is afraid to tell me about? i know he has them about some simple things like answering the house phone and going to the bank for some reason. (don’t ask I don’t get it either) But my question is, could that be it? I dont know. But its making me want to just LEAVE him home and go do the things I want to do on the weekends like travel and visit friends with my boys. I love him. I’m not leaving him..but damn it there has to be some kind of compromise or something so that love/hate doesnt become more hate than love.

What do you think? And now the dog is whining to go out again. I think the chew bone my friends gave her as a christmas present didnt agree with her. Joy. Next posting with be more positive, about the holidays and such which were wonderful!

Ciao…dog duties call.

Gumption….it’s gone missing!

Posted on by Jennifer GB

Well, I can’t help but laugh (cause i cried enough yesterday) but my other lunch date today canceled as well. That is six in two weeks. You just can’t make this shit up, seriously. This has put a damper on my day but, honestly, I was kinda expecting this. I texted the friend last night asking if we were still on and he didn’t reply. Texted again this morning and got “Would you be horribly upset if we changed the lunch date again?” (yep, they did this last week, too). Told him I had tons of plans and would have to check my calendar. Needless to say, I won’t. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. So, I hit McDonalds for a bunless burger and diet coke and went home after running my lucet W/cording to one of the local SCA shire heads for a demo tomorrow (which sadly I can’t attend due to prior commitments). I am now home to work on sewing for two friends. Problem is the “I don’t wanna”‘s are strong today. Usually once I get going, I am good and fine with it. Its the getting going that I have the problem with. The usual is happening. Fall is here and the SAD is setting in. I hate the cold, the damp, the cold damp, falling leaves, lack of the color green outside and even more, snow. *shudders* I want to hibernate during the winter, sit by the fire under a quilt and knit or embroider, have groceries delivered and never go outside except to take the dogs out for business and wait for the coming blossoms of spring. Summer is the true weather of my people! Give me heat, sunshine, cushy grass to walk barefoot on and a pool to swim in and lounge by with an iced beverage, preferably of the adult variety.

I need to get off my ass and get sewing. When my son gets home, I have to go work with him at his job for his first day actually working the department he is going to be in. His job coach will come next week. Tonight, I’m the job coach. Blarg. I love him and am so proud of him for getting a job…for wanting to get a job too…that I want to see him succeed. Hopefully its only for two hours.

RIGHT! Going to the basement to sew…after I find a good movie to watch down there. Ciao!

Courtesy… It’s a thing

Posted on by Jennifer GB

I can’t help but sit here and self analyze myself and wonder if I am a good person or not. Am i awkward to spend time with? Unknowingly rude? Do I smell? (I mean I do shower ever day..) In the last two weeks, a several friends have canceled their plans with me. One I can see. Two, ok. Four?! The one for today was a lunch date to happen right after an appointment I had and when I mentioned it during said appointment, they said they couldn’t go because a client booked time with them before they could block it off. They’d known for two weeks and it kept slipping htheir mind to tell me they couldn’t go. I have no words…well I have words but they are emotional because four cancellations in two weeks adds up emotionally inside me and this was the icing on the proverbial cake.

Helluva way to start blogging again after a year off. Oh well.

Thanksgiving Eve…

Posted on by Jennifer GB

Second day of waking up early to a weird dream regarding SCA life.  Yesterday’s dream was upsetting..someone I consider a good friend turning on me for lack of a better term and giving our friendship the brush off stating in so many words I was not worthy of her friendship.  Last nights dream was about someone asking to fight for me in crown tourney and I guess I said yes because we were walking up in the Greeting line before crown. Just odd in my dream I said yes to this fighter..but before we got to the thrones i woke up.  Like I said..weird..but not upsetting.

About half an hour after I woke, hubby woke. One thing I adore about this man is we never lack for things to talk about. Conversation went all over the place (after dream explanation) and came around to us needing to get in shape. So we bit the bullet at the early hour and went and walked the treadmill and cheered each other on (literally I was bouncing around doing cheerleader chants I remembered from when I was a kid…made him laugh and stumble a little..which…worth it!).  

Dropped the boys to their Dad last night for the holiday week. I miss them already. Funny how you long for alone time and then an hour after the kids are gone you miss their presence. That is me.  Speaking of kids, my oldest had his 18 month scan (which has been reduced to just MRI and CAT scan, YAY!) and have not heard back from them yet. That was two weeks ago. They have never been good at calling with results, but when I go to the appointments, they always say that it was all good. So I am assuming no news is good news.  

We have acquired the fixings for Thanksgiving dinner. Its just the two of us. Hubby mentioned it would be nice to have a couple people but its just us. We had hoped his parents who were vacationing abroad could change their flight and join us for dinner but it wasnt in the cards.

Well I still have to work today. Twenty minutes before I have to leave. Not sure how the day will go as it sounds like several staff will be off. Me being the new hire/low man on the totem pole, in I go. 

Tonight..there will be WINE!!! 

Ciao!!

Well, I don’t live in S. Carolina…

Posted on by Jennifer GB

…so I was not the Mega Millions winner.  I still had to come into work today. Balls! Can you imagine the person that did win? One person with one ticket? Holy crow if I were them,  I would not announce publicly that I was the winner, that’s for certain.  Oh well, there is still the Powerball tonight!

Went home last night and did mundane things first before I settled in for the night like cleaned out the entire fridge and washed all the shelves and drawers. Tossed out all old food which now i have to go shopping. Great, right? Then i showered and sat down to do more embroidery on the banner for investiture this weekend and watched the rest of the series on Netflix “the Haunting of Hill House”. Pretty good. Not as scary to me as they were touting online in articles, but it was good. Had a good story line, etc.

Looking for suggestions for another series to watch. Any?

If Wishes Were Horses…

Posted on by Jennifer GB

I would consider myself a lucky person.  I have a pretty good life that honestly, I can’t complain about. I have a good husband who loves me dearly. I have two healthy teenage boys that do pretty well in school and have a descent head on their shoulders and 3 crazy fur babies that I love 98% of the time (not counting when they chew brand new converse sneakers or jump on my knitting needles causing $3500.00 in vet bills to save his hyperactive ass).   I have a good job that, while boring, pays well and isn’t too difficult or stressful to perform. The people here are nice and we even have an office dog that comes in a few times a week. Would I like to be doing something differently for my 9-5? Hell yes but this is what I’ve got for now. A lot of people don’t even have this so..again..I have nothing to complain about.  My own health is pretty good minus needing to lose some weight.  I’m working on that (60 more to go). I have family that loves me, both blood and chosen family and would step up and help should we truly need it. I am not wanting for anything.

That all being said, I have wishes. OHMYGAWD I want to win the lottery.  1.2 billion dollars is a helluva lot of money.  Like most people in this world, I have the “list” of things I would do should I ever win the lottery. My debts (not terribly much but slightly more now because of said crazy corgi of mine) are as such that a 2 million dollar win would cover me and mine completely with lots left over to invest and keep us comfortable. But 1.2 billion!?!  I have a large list of people I would help. I would give money back to the charities that helped us when my son was going through his treatments.  Friends of Karen were such a good support to us between funds to help with extra bills, gas/tolls reimbursement hell they even helped us with Thanksgiving dinner for two years. Back to school supplies too. One of the kindest charities I have seen and been a recipient of Id give them a bunch of money for certain. I have a friend that seriously needs a new house. My sister needs all kinds of repairs after her neighbors house blew up and damaged the hell out of hers back in August.  My help the friends and loved ones list is descent sized.

There is of course my list, which isn’t that grand. The usual..pay off the house, the tiny amount of debt we have, get my dream tripped out minivan (Yes I said Minivan!!! no judging!!), do the home renovations we want done, maybe a little traveling, set up funds for the boys and then invest the rest.  Would I still work? Id probably take some time off but then I would open up the store I’ve dreamed about.  Specialty knitting and embroidery supplies that has a place to sit and stitch/knit. Id also have a tiny cooler case with pastries made by my friend and have a coffee maker too. There’s a similar store in a neighboring town but it only has knitting supplies. I am allowed to dream.

So anyway, last night I took a chance and bought a couple tickets. I wasn’t going to but a family member that is out of town asked if I would pick up a couple for them and i got a couple for us. Maybe one of us will get lucky!