(written last night but post didnt go through for some reason)
I had a list of stuff to do. Work out, pick the garden, laundry, plant bulbs…I crossed one thing off. An allergy attack that hit last night wiped me out today. I hate the fall and this is a big reason. I feel like a total slacker. I wanted to weight train. Be productive. Get some steps in too but instead I vegetated and went through a box of tissues while watching “Ratched”. (Weird ass show…let me tell you).
Tomorrow we have plans that involve the whole day so I still won’t get to work on my list. I might be able to squeeze the 15 mins weight train video in before I get the day going.
The whole day was blah. Overcast and dreary and I felt like I had my own personal black cloud over my head. Isolated is a good description. Left out. This pandemic makes me feel like I’m losing friends. Definitely losing touch.
Wow. It’s been a while since I’ve written an entry here. So much has happened since January. So…where to begin. Speed update: I have been hired by the NYS Department of education as a support assistant to a wonderful woman who is vision impaired. I pretty much help her out with computer work, reading documents that can’t convert to her special programs like JAWS and the occasional site visit (when things get back to normal from this pandemic). I work from home three days a week, in the office two. Funny thing, she lives a couple blocks away from me so I give her the ride home on the two days we’re in the office.
In March my Grandmother died so we went to the funeral in NJ. Two days later they closed our schools down for the pandemic and thus far we are not going back till minimum October 15th after a reevaluation to see how things look. Then It might be a hybrid opening where K-6 goes to school spread across all the district school buildings and 7-12 distance learns. Since both my kids are in high school, distance learning for them. One loves the idea. The other wants to go back because he misses his teachers and friends.
Yesterday I got on the scale and am at my highest weight of 301. After a bought of sobbing, I got determined. Yesterday i got in 110 oz of water. Walked 3/4 of a mile plus did the stairs at home a lot to do laundry. Got 7747 steps in by the time I fell into bed. Also started using my Lose IT! app again. Today, got up, had coffee and breakfast and then did a beginner weight training video. My stomach got in the way a little for the mat exercises but i modified and still did it to the best of my ability. Guzzling the water again today. Plan to walk to the post office again. Did fine walking except for the low back really hurting by the time I got back home. Since I gain my weight in my torso and have a gut, its understandable I had the back pain. In time, it will shrink.
I figured all this time ive been trying to do low carb and it isn’t working..i need to get off my ass and deal with the pain of my neck injury and work out anyway. I also decided that I can do lower carb but I feel like its not feasible to do it forever. Lets face it: I like bread. Not cheap shit white sandwich bread but good crusty artisan bread. Do I have it often? No. So I figure its ok to have a slice on occasion when its with a nice dinner. Same goes for sweets. I am adopting the moderation in everything mindset. Not denying myself anything just limiting it. I mean come on..its food…its not like I will never have that food again ever so small portion. I know I’ll have it again at some point. Savor the taste, enjoy it then move on. So, Im not proud of hitting that number on the scale but it will not be at that number long at all. I have a goal of losing the desired 120 pounds by my 50th birthday in just under 2 years. I can do this.
Im posting starting day 1 photos of myself. Now you know I’m REALLY serious if I’m willing to show what I look like. I’ll get my measurements later when I find my quilting measuring tape.
I’ve been unemployed for about three months now. I was injured on the job by faulty equipment and while on workman’s compensation, they “eliminated my position”. I herniated two disks in my neck and pulled muscles down my left shoulder and back. The injury occurred in June. Being injured, depressed and not able to do normal routine or exercises, I’ve gained weight. 20 some pounds to be exact. Now, I am a plus sized woman to start with, so this isn’t saying I was a size 10 and ballooned up. But I was doing a low carb diet (which seems to be the only thing that works for me because of my PCOS) and had lost a good chunk of weight. Once I was injured and not able to even walk more than a few feet before pain would kick in, depression also kicked in and I am unfortunately an emotional eater. Since it was hard to cook, I did take out. When I weighed myself this morning to get an idea, it said….well I am not comfortable listing it here yet. Needless to say its the heaviest I have ever been to date. I signed up with the Weight Watcher’s app a few days ago and started it today after my weigh in….at home. I’m way too embarrassed to go to a meeting right now. I’ve never found them to be much help anyway.
I know one of my issues with helping to shed the weight is exercise. I have some injuries that I have sustained over the years aside from this recent one (broken back in 1997 in a car crash to name another) that make it hard to do a lot. Also, i detest exercise. Maybe because my injuries started when I was in high school (knee injury in sports). I love swimming. Its the least painful exercise I have found so far and we have a small above ground pool but honestly, that is only usable from June to September. Money is tight so a membership to a gym with an indoor pool is not in the budget right now. What is a girl to do?
I love food. All the things I love are bad for me or I’m allergic to (recently found out I’m allergic to bread yeast, cinnamon and mushrooms. YEA!! WTF!!). I am open to suggestions. I have no desire to be a runway model or wear a skimpy bikini next summer. Let’s face it..I have two children and have the stretch marks to prove it. My stomach should not see the light of day again. I just want to wear non plus size clothing and like my body. As much as I try to be a body positive plus sized woman, right now it’s very hard. I give kudos to those women out there that do it and look damn good! I never seem to look that good. I just about cry when I see myself in my bathroom vanity mirror and let me tell you.. I dont even look in a full length mirror cause that just amps up the body dis-morphia and depression.
So I ask my few readers out there…What is a girl to do?
I am open to suggestions, sites, etc. Help a sister out!
Eat, Pray & Suck it Up! 