Another January Day…

Posted on by Jennifer GB

So I went to a class at the employment center yesterday on Civil Service jobs. Got some good information and came home and read it over last night with a cup of spiked coffee (Bailey’s if you’re wondering). When I got up this morning I looked up the clerical jobs that I was interested in taking tests for to find out today is the last day to apply to take the test. DANG! Thank you powers that be for lighting a fire under my ass. So i spent near an hour filling out three applications, locating my college transcripts and finding my payment history from unemployment so I have proof and can have the test fees waived. I think I’m developing carpal tunnel, lol! I know this path of employment may take a while so I will look for something local till hopefully one of these positions pop up and I am sent a canvasing letter. I have another class at the job center on Government jobs at 1:30 so I figure I’ll run and drop these off before than do my grocery shopping afterwards.

The kids have off this week due to some state testing they didn’t have to take so I am having some fun time with them. I think tomorrow we’ll go see Doolittle at the theaters. There are actually a few movies I’d like to go see: Jumanji 2, Little Women, Underwater…to name a couple. I am a bit of a horror movie girl. Nothing gory like Saw or the like, more like psychological or ghost type movies. Paranormal Activity had alternate endings that had me dashing down the unlit hallway at my previous house and jumping into bed. Yes, go ahead…chuckle. Sometimes I’m a wuss.

We have some snow here on the ground that fell on Saturday last. The below freezing temps have kept it from melting. I am longing for Spring and the warmer temps. Hubby and I have this plan to create a garden off the patio. We have become obsessed with this youtube channel of young asian woman in the South Western Province of China who lives with her grandparents and creates all this food from scratch. Also making household items as well. But I mean, she gets duck eggs from an outside source, has a chicken on her farm sit on them and hatch them. She then raises the ducks so she has the duck eggs to make this recipe. A lot of her videos are spanned over time. Making traditional ink from the soot of tung oil (that one I believe took 2 years). Her most recent one was growing cotton so she could harvest it and make a new mattress cover for her Grandmother. She did the same thing with silk worms and made a comforter and pajamas for her. Anyway the garden she has is huge and gorgeous covered in many varieties of vegetables and flower. We have plans to set up a smaller more modest version of hers. I’m like an addict and get notified whenever she uploads a new video and rush over to watch it. I’ve spread my addiction to other friends too.
( If you’re interested: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoC47do520os_4DBMEFGg4A) I have been researching what is good to grow in our zone, which is 6. I’m going to start collecting seeds and soon will start small indoor mini green houses to get them to sprout.

Well, gotta run these apps down to the county office before the class. Ciao!

Floundering…flop, flop

Posted on by Jennifer GB

Have you ever felt like you’re in a large room of people and things and you’re spinning around with no direction in mind…no one specific person to talk to…no idea what to do? Feel like a fish out of water and your flopping around wondering how to get back to the comfort and safety of the glistening life saving water?   That is what I have been feeling of late.  For a year and a half almost my focus was on my son and all that he needed to get well. Now he is well. Shortly after my last post in July, my old employer faked the business closing so he could lay me off with little guilt on his part. Needless to say the business is still open and he fessed up to the truth of it all to my husband and said he will always need him at the company and kept him. While I miss the stability of the job and spending the days with my husband I do not miss the stress of working for that man.  Since then, I have felt as I have described above. No direction. On a whim, I applied for a job with the post office as rural route carrier. Sent in my resume, passed the online assessments, went in for an in person assessment test and then was called in for an in person interview. When we interviewed, we were then told it was only guaranteed 1 day a week to cover the day off of the career carrier we were subbing for, which was Saturday or Monday. We were not considered career so we weren’t given benefits of any type.  We were also only allowed to work for them because if they called to have us come in other than that specified day off, we had to set them as a priority.  Everyone said this was a great opportunity, a foot in the door. So I said yes.  I went through all the training and started late October fully.  That’s when it went south but as much as I could go on, I wont. Needless to say, it isn’t anything i was told it would be. I don’t see or spend time with my family now because its every weekend and I come home exhausted and practically fall asleep on the couch at 7:30. I haven’t been to an SCA event since early October and unless I find other employment, won’t be at one for a couple months.  I have been searching the post office web site for different jobs to apply for but none are available that I want…or they are two hours away in the city.

I was watching Julie&Julia last night and realized that I felt a lot like Julie in the movie. So many things that I have wanted to do in my life, with my life and just…haven’t. I have a degree in Art and can’t find a thing to do with it for employment. I feel like I chose poorly when I decided on what to pursue for a degree.  I want to desperately work professionally as an embroideress but there are no jobs locally that I have found so far. I see these fabulous works that women make but those jobs seem to be over seas in England or Italy where the fashion trade originates from or where embroidery is still needed for museums and royalty. The Royal School of Needlework in England is a dream to visit..hell I would love to have attended there. Nothing here in po-dunk Port Ewen.  I did come to the decision last night that I was going to attempt to revive my joy of cooking that I once had by digging out my copy of Mastering the Art of French Cooking and trying my hand at a few recipes. I will not be killing myself and doing the whole book in a year as she did..I don’t have the budget for that, but a recipe once a week or every other week wouldn’t be bad.

I guess I’m in a rut. A deep one at that. I want to do it all but have no gumption to get up and start. Admittedly it’s been like this for a while. Everyone tells me I’m so strong but quite honestly I feel anything but strong. I feel weak and sad. Also scatterbrained and without focus or direction. What i want right now in life is to have a good job that pays fairly descent, that lets me have weekends with friends and family to do fun things and isn’t real stressful and doesnt cause my arthritis to flare up daily. Is that so much to ask? I have skills in so many areas and feel like they never quite seem to fit any one thing out there.  Dear powers that be….HELP!

Wishes…

Posted on by Jennifer GB

So, I have this wish board. I read about it a while back, about putting out to the universe what you want and need and if your intentions are good, things would happen. I figured, what the hell and decided to make one up. It’s comprised of pictures of things that I want in my life…things I wish for.  Over the years the items have changed when surprisingly they come to fruition. A few of the pictures I had taken down in a fashion of giving up on it. Oddly, they came about shortly after. Believe it or not a picture of Nathan Fillian was on the board and when I took it down, a couple months later I met him at NYC Comic Con.  That was pretty cool.

I have been down a bit lately, still in my hermit phase after all the treatments and such (Yay, he’s cancer free!!) so I decided to do a little updating to my board.  My biggest thing I really want is a job change. My therapist says I am in a toxic environment at my place of business and that the owner is verbally abusive.  He isn’t there very often but when he does, if business is slow, he can be unpleasant to say the least. He never speaks badly when the other staff is around but if it is just he and I in the room, there are insults, snide and derogatory remarks and threats of job loss. I have looked for other positions but at the same time, the couple places I interviewed at aren’t willing to be obliging of the dr visits I still have to take my son to for his post treatment check ups.  So the couple places I interviewed at have not called back or sent notification that they position was given to another interviewee.  It’s causing major stress and disagreements within the family and with my spouse especially. Its hard to not take the owners remarks to heart and to let them roll off of me. I have never been able to do that. i was not built that way.  I’m weary and tired. My dream is to have a job where my crafts bring in an income to compare to where i work.  Or to have some type of work from home position that will do that as well.  I wouldn’t mind being a stay at home Mom again either or have the position to work from home.

The things on my wish board are obvious and don’t need explaining, but it’s a look into what I want in life. Goals. Dreams. Wishes.   Hell, my dream to visit Italy is coming true in October thanks to a wonderful sister in law. (love you Gia!) I am still in shock over that one..delightful shock.

Well, scouts time.

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