Venty McVentorson I am

Posted on by Jennifer GB

Seriously. Its not that hard. If you know a holiday means something special for someone and you love that someone, honor it for them. Even in the most trivial way. Valentines day. Im a huge fan and yes I know that its totally made up and not a real holiday. But I am a die hard romantic and i love it. I love flowers, cards, the whole lot of it. I buy candy and or cards for the whole family. Im not saying you have to spend hundreds of dollars or even 10 dollars if things arent good financially.Or can’t get out due to covid or transportation, etc. Hell, write me a little poem and Id be happy. But..nothing happened yesterday. Not from one single family member. It makes me wonder why do i bother to make it special for them when obviously its not. I should be use to this. Considering the ex wasnt much into this either. How do i keep ending up with the most unromantic people?

Like I said..just venting. Day is done. Another year come and gone. Next year..expectations will surely be zero. If you dont expect anything, you wont be disappointed right?

Fuck em. Ill go buy my own damn flowers and candy. Its now half off anyway.

Advice for the un-asking populace of small people that actually glance at my blog: if a holiday means something for the one you care about, make an effort. No matter how small an effort it is, make that effort. This way it wont make them feel like they don’t matter in the scheme of things….like I feel.

Random Blog title #1

Posted on by Jennifer GB

I never know what to title these things. My entries tend to run through a rainbow of subject matter.

Right! So yesterday when I went out to drive my son to work, through on the standard issue New York State winter attire and stepped outside. I immediately started to sweat. It was 60 degrees outside. In December!! Dropped him off and came back and decided I could not waste this beautiful day and decided to go for a walk. Tried to convince family members to join me but they were too engulfed in their MMORPG and said no. I walked to the park in my neighborhood and circled the baseball field three times then walked back home. I stopped for about 1 min at each rotation to rest the low back which wasn’t screaming but it was making itself known. I listened to a book on Audible app on my phone and I kept a slightly faster than normal walking pace. I got my heart rate up, didn’t have trouble breathing nor did it trigger my asthma. I was about for about forty minutes I would say. It felt great. I feel like after all these months being cooped up or out wearing masks that I had fresh air in my lungs. (mind you I had a mask handy but no one was in the park so I was safe to keep it down) Later when sitting home I felt better. A little more invigorated. I did about 5400 steps by bedtime. I know..its not 10K but you can’t go from a desk job with no exercise to walking or running 5 miles a day. I’m taking it slow. My weight loss goal is not for a year and a half. I want it to be slow so I don’t boomerang back up. I want this to be for the rest of my life. I want this to last and be the norm from now on.

When I was walking yesterday, listening to my book (World of Warcraft: War Crimes by Christie Golden) I suddenly realized that all the things I do that I enjoy: knitting, embroidering, gaming, etc, feed my mind. It never occurred to me to feed my body what it needs to: movement and exercise. Yea, I’m 48 years old and I don’t know why this JUST occurred to me. It really was a sort of epiphany for me. I’m sure others have come upon this ages ago but I suppose my mind was just on other things. I am going to make sure I do something each day. Walking, biking, belly dancing..who knows. Maybe I’ll just scroll Youtube and pick something and give it a try. Lord knows there are so many things on there. (I totally understand why neither of my children are very interested in television now. ) So, it’s suppose to be quite chilly today. I think I will browse Youtube and see what I can come up with.

Oh yea, did 20 wall push ups yesterday too. Shooting for same number today..maybe 25.

Alright..back to my coffee and porch time with hubby till he goes to work.

Ciao!

Adding Daily

Posted on by Jennifer GB

So two days ago, I tried to do a few push ups..on my knees of course. After two my neck said “No fucking way, Dude” and I stopped. Its good to listen to your body. It is also good to tell your body fuck you back, I’m doing push ups. So I went to the wall and did 10 push ups that way. I’d say I was at about a 45-50 degree angle while doing them. Felt it in my shoulders to my hips. Ok. Day one was ten. I woke up feeling ok from that (neck injury wise) so yesterday, I figured I would do 20. I broke them up, two sets of ten. This morning, still feeling good. Going to shoot for 30. I figure every time i get up and walk by the fireplace (which is where i do them) I stop and do a set of ten. One set done so far. Going to go sit down to breakfast and then after I’ll do another set and then off to Home Depot to get some house paint for a birdhouse Im painting.

More later. Toodles!

Baby Steps

Posted on by Jennifer GB

Tis the season for emotional roller coasters. Especially when COVID is happening and cutting you off from the ones you love. Christmas at home this year, just like Thanksgiving was. I have disappointed my family yet again because I dont want to be the cause of inadvertently bringing any illness down to them. Suck it up!

The SCA BoD announced the other day that in person events are now canceled through May 31st 2021. I will admit this hit me way harder than I thought it would. I got choked up and angry. I miss my friends. I miss dressing up. I miss laughs and hugs. I miss discussions with others on research and embroidery techniques, garb construction, etc. I understand completely why they did it. It still makes me angry. I think I’m angry more at the illness causing this complete upheaval in everyone’s lives and not the decision they have made for the safety of all. Its just the fact that this forced hermit like lifestyle is getting to me. I know..a friend has stated every day, this too shall pass. #spanishflu2020

So on black friday i ordered a new steel bedframe and mattress for my oldest as somehow he destroyed his. Like, worn holes and broken springs destroyed. Yea..I can’t figure it out either. Its four years old. Anyway, Sam’s club online had these great deals. So, we ordered a new hybrid mattress for him and a new frame for it. Got the mattress a week ago (later than they said I would). The bedframe however, was somehow “lost” after a shipping label was made. So, after two online chat customer service reps, they stated they’d ship another expedited for the inconvenience I had been put in. I checked the new tracking number I got Monday and as of today, its saying it will get here Friday but as of right now when i checked the tracking number, it is still at the warehouse. I got on chat again and was told by “Ana” that they didnt know what was happening and she’d send it to a special dept to check it out. Which would take 24-72 hours. So, either way, I wont get an answer until after the day its suppose to be here…IF it gets here that day. I doubt California to NY will happen by Friday. So this whole rant brings me to the moral of the story: Sam’s club online sucks! Stick to shopping for what you need at their store and not rely on online. I feel like their customer service lines are just there to tell you “we’ll check into it, we are so sorry”. They lost me as a customer.

On the weight loss front, I have been slowly increasing my steps each day. I have been consistently getting up to 5000+ steps in and I try to do a couple hundred more each day. I am drinking a lot more water.. at least the minimum 64 oz but, I’m shooting for a gallon a day in the not too distant future. I noticed some clothing is less snug so I call it a win. I have decided to cut portions, limit bread and sugar and try to eat less take out. I feel like if I cut things completely out of my life it will make me crave them more and then over do it one day. Small portions of sweets every once in a while keeps the mind set that it isnt forever gone or a forbidden food. I feel better about this, like this is more feasible to stick with for the rest of my life. I don’t want to lose this weight super fast, i want it to be slow going so that my skin can shrink with it.

Alright…work to do. More later.

Ciao!!

Post Turkey Day

Posted on by Jennifer GB

Because of the dumpster fire that is 2020, Thanksgiving day, which is normally just my hubby and I, had my two sons with us for the first time in 11 years. The travel restrictions kept them from spending the holiday with their dad, sadly. Thank goodness for video calls though.

Anyway, made 4300 steps alone doing cooking help for hubby, who does 90% of the cooking. Dinner was turkey, sweet potato casserole, dressing/stuffing (which ever you choose to call it), mashed potatoes cranberry sauce, peas, home made crescent rolls, gravy, pumpkin pie and brownies. Other than the box mix brownies and canned cranberry sauce,, all was made from scratch. Oh and wine…of course wine.

I had small amounts of everything (except cranberry sauce, blech) and only had a tiny second helping of sweet potatoes. I skipped pie and had a small brownie.

Drank a lot of water before and after. Sat on my butt the rest of the night and played world of warcraft. Today its get in at least 8000 steps.

No real weight loss yet but I’m trying not to stress it. Lots of things happening this year making it emotionally hard to stay on track. 2 deaths in the family. Suicidal deer totalling my car and me having to buy a new one. New job…and a desk job no less so not adding movement there, but I do like it a lot and who I work with. Corona virus restrictions from going damn near anywhere but my yard practically. All three of the corgis had medical issues that ran us close to $4000 dollars.

So yea, stress. On the up side I have gone over 3 months with out more than a half a glass of diet coke.

I’m lying in bed writing this post and planning my day. Also getting the gumption to get up out of bed and start the day but hubby is warm and cuddly and bed feels so good and the “I dont wannas” are strong. I’m the only one working today but at least its from home remoting in.

Ah well. Time to get the coffee and Jumpstart the heart. Have a good day peeps!

Today’s the day…

Posted on by Jennifer GB

Election day. Yep. We voted via mail to minimize exposure to possible COVID-19. It was my oldest son’s first Presidential Election. With minimal guidance on how to fill out the form, he voted and we dropped them in the mail about a week ago. He was very proud.

Vote. Do it. If you already have, Awesome! YOU ARE A ROCK STAR!!!

If you haven’t, What the fuck are you waiting for?! DOOOO EEEEEEETTTTT!!!

VOTE!!!!!

(go now…nothing else to see here. Why are you still reading this???) 😉

Slow and steady

Posted on by Jennifer GB

So I’ve had some set backs that had slowed me down, one being a death in the family, but I’m getting back on track. As friends are so good at reminding me, it’s a marathon, not a sprint. I am happy to say that I have now gone six weeks without drinking a Diet Coke. I know it doesn’t seem monumental but its a step. Tomorrow I’m going to grab my son and walk in the park. My activity level has gone down dramatically since covid 19 started and then I get a desk job. I have to do something and my son wants to join me. He says he isn’t happy with his weight either.

Well, off to bed. I stayed up late embroidering and watching The Abyss. Gnight folks.

Shitastic week

Posted on by Jennifer GB

A while ago I had given up Diet Coke. I had gone over a year without having any. Then something stressful happened Im sure (because i can’t rightly remember right now) and I started drinking it again. Two days ago i decided to give it up again. Today marks day 2 without drinking Diet Coke. While I wasn’t drinking it like I use to, I’m sure it will still be hard to resist. I’m not a water drinker. Never have been. If its really cold on a hot day or I’d just finished working out, then i can drink it. Otherwise, i don’t like it. I use Mio to tolerate it. So I am now working up to drinking the minimum 64 ounces a day with a hopes to hit the 1 gallon mark down the road. I’d bought that one container that was a gallon but it is a bit unwieldy and a pain to carry around and to work. I mean, the damn thing comes with a shoulder strap! Also, the ice melts too fast in it so it doesn’t stay cold. I think I jumped the gun and overestimated myself when i saw that on a friends page and bought it. It’s currently sitting on my dishwasher looking forlorn and abandoned.

My cousin died this week. She found out in July she had stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Sadly I didn’t find out till about two or so weeks ago when my sister told me. She went so fast. She was so young. She left behind her husband and three children, two of which are on the spectrum. I really didn’t get to see her outside of family gatherings because of the distance between our homes, but when we did, it was always full of laughs, smiles and love. I hate that she’s gone. I hate that I wont see her at future parties. I hate that she was taken so young. She was only 40. Why do the good ones die young?! It took about an hour after my sister told me she’d passed for it to sink in and then I started crying. I will miss you, cuz.

Being an emotional eater, I did cave to it some but not nearly what I would normally. I mean, I have never been one of those type of people that say they sit in their car outside of the grocery store and eat an entire cheesecake. I mean yea I’m a big woman but never, ever could i do that. Id barf if i ate more than two pieces. I could have maybe three cookies and a glass of milk and that is so filling i wouldn’t eat for hours. One of the reasons I always wondered why I’d gotten so heavy. I don’t really snack. i log my food into the “Lose it” app on my phone and i rarely go over my allotted calories I’d set in order to lose the weight in the time I’d set. I avoid bread, pasta, rice and sugar as much as possible. I try to get 8k to 10k steps in every day but with the desk job now its a bit harder. Weight loss is so frustrating. Why can’t I have a fast metabolism and eat whatever I want like a lot of my friends?! LOL!

Yesterday they called and told me my car was totaled. I’d heard this from the auto body shop the day before, and that sent me into another whirl of stress and emotion. They told me my Honda CRV 2010 was only work about $5400. When i looked up the payoff amount, it was at $6300. So I owed more than it was worth. All types of mental self beating ensued. “I was an idiot to pay so much for the car four years ago!” “Why didn’t i get gap insurance!” “I was naĂŻve when i bought the car and the asshole salesman pulled a fast one on me and I didn’t know!” Yea..I ran down that mental path crying and punching myself. Then the angel at my insurance company called and informed me that my vehicle was actually worth closer to $9000 and I would actually get money back to put towards a new vehicle. Let me tell you I nearly got onto my desk at work and danced at that news. When I told them what the collision center said it was worth, she said they didn’t know their ass from a hole in the ground when it comes to car value. So, now I only have my rental for 7 more days and I have to car shop. Guess what I’ll be doing this weekend? I went this morning and cleaned out the last couple things from the old car and got my license plates. Good-bye Safira. You were a good little car.

Stress is a horrible thing. I can handle a little bit and not go over the edge. But between the death of my cousin, the car, mentally going from I will owe money for the now dead car to i don’t owe money and I’ll be getting money back is a horrific roller coaster ride. My boys visit their father this weekend. I think there will be a bit of wine drinking after the car shopping. Cause I’m sure THAT won’t be stressful at all!!

Daily update

Posted on by Jennifer GB

Didn’t get tons done today. Got 3 miles walking in. Did a bunch of cleaning and a little bit of embroidery. I have to figure out something to do in the office to get movement in. It was the one thing I feared about taking an office job: the sedentary aspect of a desk job. When I worked in retail being on my feet made me drop a bit of weight. Not the case here. I’m considering a standing desk adapter for the office. Eyeballing a couple on Amazon. My one concern is that since gaining the weight, standing or walking causes low back pain now after a short time of doing either. Stamina is fine. Pain not so much.

For dinner i made long hots with the peppers my sister sent home with us. Peppers stuffed with prosciutto and provolone cheese. Tasty and low carb plus hot spice to boost metabolism. Can’t hurt right? Admit to a half a cup of ice cream…you know…to kill the heat. So tasty!

Well exhaustion is winning so off to sleep i go. CIAO!!

Crap Day Yesterday

Posted on by Jennifer GB

(written last night but post didnt go through for some reason)

I had a list of stuff to do. Work out, pick the garden, laundry, plant bulbs
I crossed one thing off. An allergy attack that hit last night wiped me out today. I hate the fall and this is a big reason. I feel like a total slacker. I wanted to weight train. Be productive. Get some steps in too but instead I vegetated and went through a box of tissues while watching “Ratched”. (Weird ass show
let me tell you).

Tomorrow we have plans that involve the whole day so I still won’t get to work on my list. I might be able to squeeze the 15 mins weight train video in before I get the day going.

The whole day was blah. Overcast and dreary and I felt like I had my own personal black cloud over my head. Isolated is a good description. Left out. This pandemic makes me feel like I’m losing friends. Definitely losing touch.

I sound maudlin. Going to bed to end this day.

Ciao