Its just one of those days

Posted on by Jennifer GB

You know the kind. Nothing goes right no matter what you try. Last night it was knitting related. I was trying a new pattern, a shawl for a co worker that I got the design off of Ravelry. This is the pattern: https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/18-petale-de-rose
I started at lunch at work attempting this pattern. My friends have told me if I can do socks I can do anything since socks can be complicated. So, what the hell! I believed them and picked this up. Ordered the yarn for it off Amazon which took forever to be delivered because, come to find out, it was being shipped from Turkey. I really wish it would be more prominently displayed on Amazon where the item you’re interested in buying is shipping from. So I started the pattern during my lunch hour at work. I think I tore it out at least twice during that time and said I’d consult with my expert friends when I got home. So, I preceded to try again, tore it out. Tried a second time and was frustrated. Took a pic and sent to my friends. They’d never done it so, they were unsure either. Tried again two more times (so this is 6 total since lunch) and failed again. I growled loudly, tore it out again, wrapped it up and threw it across the room, giving up. Then I promptly poured a LARGE glass of wine and logged onto World of Warcraft and killed things in there for about two hours to burn out the frustration, then went to bed still stewing over it.

Technically a day is 24 hours so, this continued to this morning. Slept like crap after waking up in the middle of the night with a bought of acid reflux (probably from the wine) and had to take meds for that but took some time to get back to sleep so when the alarm went off, I was still exhausted. I’d have just called out but the lady I assist needs me to drive her to meetings today so, that wasn’t an option. Was doing prep for SCA Coronation this weekend, digging out some fabric to take to work to cut out (conference room table is huge and great for this) and was discussing it with my friend on her drive to work phone call, when she questioned how the drive for me was less than the drive for her to the site. So I then looked up the distance and drivetime to the event, which I planned on day tripping because I can’t afford a hotel room to stay up there when I’m going on vacation on the 10th with my kids to Florida, to realize it was almost four hours one way to the event site. Well, maybe 15 years ago I could gung ho it for almost four hours each way for an SCA event but not anymore. I annoyingly admitted defeat to myself, told my friend I guess I wasn’t going to be able to come and stopped digging for fabric to cut out at work. Hung up the phone and went to my computer to post on the group page I couldn’t attend. When I hit post, it marked it as spam and set it to pend for approval. (Anger amped up 10 fold). I have had this ongoing problem for about three or so months now that all my posts to groups I am a member of on Facebook are marked as spam and go to pending for approval. Even if the group does not have the posting settings set that way. I have contacted the help center, entered a bug report multiple times, found an email online where I can report a bug but got no response from that. I get no write backs from FB saying why its happening nor have they notified me that I had done something wrong to deserve what is happening when I post. (anger amped up another 10 fold) I don’t know about you reader (if there in fact are any out there) but this is the point where I messaged my friend and told her not to count on me to assist her during this reign because of the placement of events being all up north and not having the funds to constantly get hotel rooms. That my participation will most likely be all virtual because of it. And then, like a 10 year old having a melt down I typed to her that at this point with all the other issues I have dealt with in the SCA (posted on it previously) that I am at the point of being ready to quit it entirely and just say fuck it all.

So here I am, sitting at work typing out my frustrations instead of actually, you know, working. I leave in fifteen mins to take the counselor to the school for her meetings. Another counselor came in to tell me about work that has to be done ASAP (which all her work seems to have to be done that way) in my minute amount of time i have when I’ll actually be in the office and the only thing I actually want to do is go home, put on my jammies, crawl back into bed, have a good cry and go to sleep till 2025. Or at least till I leave for Florida on the 10th. I am so tired. But instead, I’m going to get the forms the counselor needs for the meetings, grab my sock knitting for between the meetings (because socks apparently are the only thing I’m good at knitting and should give up trying anything else), snag one of the energy drinks I have in the office fridge and drive to the local high school for the meetings and try not to fall asleep during them. If anyone has any energy to spare, please send it my way. Until later my friends

Ciao.

It was rough last week…

Posted on by Jennifer GB

It’s Monday. It’s raining and cool out. The “I don’t wannas” are strong this morning. It was very difficult getting out of bed, perfect sleeping in conditions. This past week was rough, the weekend even more so.

Over Easter weekend I spent that Saturday in the ER because my oldest had a seizure three days after being weaned off the meds. I don’t know if it was from going off the meds as my brother in law suggested or if its something else. All the brain scans came back negative. They put him back on the meds for now. We’ll get a couple other tests done.

Wednesday, I spent the morning in the ER with my husband, who’d taken a fall in the rafters of a roof and ripped the skin back on his forearm on nails sticking out of one of the boards. He got six stitches with steri-strips. They’d have put more in but since he’s allergic to lidocaine or Novocain or any of those types of meds, they had to stitch him without any numbing agent. He said it only hurt a little bit. He never flinched so he is either good at hiding it or the fact that it didn’t really do any damage under the skin kept the nerve damage down.

Also on Wednesday, my friend Ernie, lost his battle with colon cancer, which he’d been battling since 2019. It hit me hard. He was a very good friend, a teacher and a surrogate father. I was warned he most likely wouldn’t make it through the night by my best friend who was also close to him, so my very understanding boss let me go early from work so I could get up there and say goodbye. He was heavily drugged for the pain with hydromorphone so he wasn’t very alert. I held his hand and talked to him and told him how much me and my family loved him, how he affected our lives and gave him a hug and kiss. He squeezed my hand a few times. I know he could hear but alertness and verbal response was not there. While talking to his wife about some topic i cant recall, he shook his head quickly no in disagreement to it, so I knew he could hear. His breathing was very labored because of the tumors in his lungs. It was so painful seeing him that way after knowing him for over 20 years as a boisterous, happy, laughing man. I left at 8pm when visiting hours were over and drove the hour home in tears. At 10:20pm, my best friend called to say he was gone. I cried and cried. I didn’t sleep the rest of the night. I called off work the next day because I was too emotional to deal with work, but also I looked like I went five rounds with Mike Tyson in a prize fight and lost. I cried most of the morning reading stories and seeing pictures on Facebook that people were sharing. I went back to work Friday. He was buried Saturday with full military honors. So many people came! Id bet there had to be at least a hundred people there and i know of at least a dozen that lived a distance away that couldnt make the trip for various reasons, that wanted to be there. People spoke good memories of him, some making us laugh and some cry. I was a pallbearer to carrying him out of the hearse and onto a stand for the “viewing”.

It was natural burial with no casket. He was a veteran and buried in his uniform, on a board and wrapped completely in what looked like muslin fabric with hemp handles for carrying him. He was laid to rest in the ground right into the dirt. No concrete vault like they do with a casket. I like that idea. I was thinking about being cremated but I think this sounds better…feeding the trees.

Afterwards we had a wake and there was so much food!!! So many stories told, so many laughs. I think he would have loved it and he was smiling down from above. I went home afterwards and sat on my sunporch listening to classical music, knitting and decompressing. A real whopper of a thunderstorm blew in and lasted for about an hour. It was awesome.

I will miss that man so much. I feel like there is a hole in me because he’s gone. It will take a long time to heal and it will leave a scar I’m sure. Rest in peace, Ernie, and if you wouldn’t mind, say hi to my Dad for me and that I love him.

Ernie Sanford-Martinez 11/14/46 – 4/12/23

How is it almost July already?!

Posted on by Jennifer GB

2021 has been crazy but not nearly as bad as 2020 was. So, to catch up my readers (all, like 5 of you, LOL) my entire family has been fully vaccinated. My boys went to school virtually the entire year because I sure as hell didn’t want to expose my oldest. who has thus far had clean scans from his cancer four years ago, to COVID. While I would say virtual learning wasn’t better than being in school, the two of them past with only one (my youngest) failing math that requires four weeks in summer school to make up. I’m not chastising him too much because, well, I sucked horrifically at math in high school so, I get it. My oldest graduated high school this year. (OMFG WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE!!??) A week before graduation, they lifted the two tickets per student limit for graduation and opened it to anyone and everyone and made it one big NORMAL graduation ceremony with kids sitting next to one another and no “6 feet apart” (of course masks if you hadn’t been vaccinated). I cried. A lot. My sister and Mom…cried..a lot. He is so happy and proud and went around showing everyone his class ring. Have you ever seen that commercial of the mother watching her son grow up and stating through each scene “if he xxx, it’ll be a miracle” and at the end of it he’s graduating high school and she says, with a tear in her eye “its a miracle”.. Yea. I said that. I live streamed his graduation for those that couldn’t be there and you can probably hear me say that on it, LOL! Five years ago when he was diagnosed with cancer I was fearful I would not see this day. I’m not overly religious but I thank God everyday that he has come through that and I thank all those that prayed through their various religions for him to beat this. It was so touching and heartwarming friends and strangers were praying for him. I’m getting choked up about it now again remembering. One more year and he will be considered cured and be placed in survivorship status and just monitor for side effects of the treatments. And if you are the praying type, I’ll take any prayers you wish to offer on his behalf to make sure he has no return of cancer or side effects. (I thank you in advance)

Work is work. Working remote three days a week, but that goes to two days starting next week and unless something changes, back to in the office fully in August, which I am not happy about. I like working remote. Anyway, still an assistant to a visually impaired woman (who I adore) but apparently my memory issues from a previous car accident make it difficult to remember all the nuances of information I have to remember to enter into the computers when entering plans for her. Bad review last quarter with the threat of letting me go if I cant get the knack of it. That, was a lot of stress for me. I kept it together during the day and when I got home I broke down to hubby who told me not to sweat it. If it comes to that, we’d be just fine. This is why I love this man…one of the many reasons anyway. If it comes to that, I am going to take this as a sign that office work is not my niche. I’ll figure something out. Its not great pay anyway, which you’d think with a state job it would be better. Maybe I’ll take the plunge and do my art fulltime. We shall see. Why can’t I just win the lottery?? This would solve a large portion of my problems. LOL!

We have done a lot of work on our yard. Hubby has gotten the terracing bug and working with stone creating walls and putting levels in our yard and a pond (not quite done yet). We have a larger garden this year. The smaller garden that we started with last year has peas, radishes, lettuce, carrots (which failed but for three, can’t figure out why either) and some stray tomatoes that came up from seeds that had fallen last year. The larger garden has about 8 tomato plants, corn, beans, a couple different kinds of peppers, basil and cilantro. We did ornamental gardening too. Planted a Bartlett pear tree, fig tree, 5 strawberry plants, Japanese kousa dogwood, vanilla/strawberry hydrangea, a couple more lilacs, four rose bushes, a blue rhododendron, another regular hydrangea and a climbing hydrangea near our one fence. I also scattered moon flower seeds around my yard to see how they come up, which probably won’t be till next year but here’s hoping they take in those dingy corners of the yard that have a lot of rock.

Health…gained weight. COVID was not kind and I, like everyone else, baked ALL THE BREAD! Worried about my current state of health I had all that special fasting bloodwork done and while one thing was slightly elevated (thank goodness that was all!), they just stated to make lifestyle changes and get more exercise. So…I’m doing just that. I’ve started doing more, watching what i eat, logging all that goes into my mouth and counting calories. I’m also working out in smaller time bits instead of one chunk of time. I am finding I’m doing more exercise that way and its less boring to do it in ten to fifteen minutes segments than 45 mins to an hour in one shot. I hate exercising. Boring as fuck to me so breaking it up and doing different things helps me still get movement in. One of the things I do is every time I go down to the basement to do a load of laundry, I jump on the bike for ten minutes. Usually gets me about two miles in that time.

Family life is great. Hubby and I couldn’t be happier. Still haven’t gotten our honeymoon yet (five years married this past May) but eventually we’ll save up the money to do it. I’d really like to revisit Italy especially since I just heard they are opening the tunnels under it for the first time for the public to view.

Still knitting socks. Cross stitching things too as that seems to have become a re-budding interest. SCA events are starting back up after over a year hiatus of them being canceled due to COVID. I went to a friend’s elevation for Chivalry a few weeks ago and it was glorious to be in garb again and hug friends I hadn’t seen in ages. The best comment a friend made as he approached me for a hug was “this is going to be awkward” because he planned on hugging long. I laughed, but not awkward at all and it made me so happy. Of course, about 2/3s of my garb was tight due to weight gain but there was a lot of laughter because EVERYONE was saying the same thing “this was the only thing that fit me”. No one cared. Everyone was laughing. Everyone was smiling. Everyone was happy. I missed that so much. I look forward to the normalcy again, which I know is still a ways off. But, its a start.

Alright..back to work. Ciao!

Baby Steps

Posted on by Jennifer GB

Tis the season for emotional roller coasters. Especially when COVID is happening and cutting you off from the ones you love. Christmas at home this year, just like Thanksgiving was. I have disappointed my family yet again because I dont want to be the cause of inadvertently bringing any illness down to them. Suck it up!

The SCA BoD announced the other day that in person events are now canceled through May 31st 2021. I will admit this hit me way harder than I thought it would. I got choked up and angry. I miss my friends. I miss dressing up. I miss laughs and hugs. I miss discussions with others on research and embroidery techniques, garb construction, etc. I understand completely why they did it. It still makes me angry. I think I’m angry more at the illness causing this complete upheaval in everyone’s lives and not the decision they have made for the safety of all. Its just the fact that this forced hermit like lifestyle is getting to me. I know..a friend has stated every day, this too shall pass. #spanishflu2020

So on black friday i ordered a new steel bedframe and mattress for my oldest as somehow he destroyed his. Like, worn holes and broken springs destroyed. Yea..I can’t figure it out either. Its four years old. Anyway, Sam’s club online had these great deals. So, we ordered a new hybrid mattress for him and a new frame for it. Got the mattress a week ago (later than they said I would). The bedframe however, was somehow “lost” after a shipping label was made. So, after two online chat customer service reps, they stated they’d ship another expedited for the inconvenience I had been put in. I checked the new tracking number I got Monday and as of today, its saying it will get here Friday but as of right now when i checked the tracking number, it is still at the warehouse. I got on chat again and was told by “Ana” that they didnt know what was happening and she’d send it to a special dept to check it out. Which would take 24-72 hours. So, either way, I wont get an answer until after the day its suppose to be here…IF it gets here that day. I doubt California to NY will happen by Friday. So this whole rant brings me to the moral of the story: Sam’s club online sucks! Stick to shopping for what you need at their store and not rely on online. I feel like their customer service lines are just there to tell you “we’ll check into it, we are so sorry”. They lost me as a customer.

On the weight loss front, I have been slowly increasing my steps each day. I have been consistently getting up to 5000+ steps in and I try to do a couple hundred more each day. I am drinking a lot more water.. at least the minimum 64 oz but, I’m shooting for a gallon a day in the not too distant future. I noticed some clothing is less snug so I call it a win. I have decided to cut portions, limit bread and sugar and try to eat less take out. I feel like if I cut things completely out of my life it will make me crave them more and then over do it one day. Small portions of sweets every once in a while keeps the mind set that it isnt forever gone or a forbidden food. I feel better about this, like this is more feasible to stick with for the rest of my life. I don’t want to lose this weight super fast, i want it to be slow going so that my skin can shrink with it.

Alright…work to do. More later.

Ciao!!

Thanksgiving Eve…

Posted on by Jennifer GB

Second day of waking up early to a weird dream regarding SCA life.  Yesterday’s dream was upsetting..someone I consider a good friend turning on me for lack of a better term and giving our friendship the brush off stating in so many words I was not worthy of her friendship.  Last nights dream was about someone asking to fight for me in crown tourney and I guess I said yes because we were walking up in the Greeting line before crown. Just odd in my dream I said yes to this fighter..but before we got to the thrones i woke up.  Like I said..weird..but not upsetting.

About half an hour after I woke, hubby woke. One thing I adore about this man is we never lack for things to talk about. Conversation went all over the place (after dream explanation) and came around to us needing to get in shape. So we bit the bullet at the early hour and went and walked the treadmill and cheered each other on (literally I was bouncing around doing cheerleader chants I remembered from when I was a kid…made him laugh and stumble a little..which…worth it!).  

Dropped the boys to their Dad last night for the holiday week. I miss them already. Funny how you long for alone time and then an hour after the kids are gone you miss their presence. That is me.  Speaking of kids, my oldest had his 18 month scan (which has been reduced to just MRI and CAT scan, YAY!) and have not heard back from them yet. That was two weeks ago. They have never been good at calling with results, but when I go to the appointments, they always say that it was all good. So I am assuming no news is good news.  

We have acquired the fixings for Thanksgiving dinner. Its just the two of us. Hubby mentioned it would be nice to have a couple people but its just us. We had hoped his parents who were vacationing abroad could change their flight and join us for dinner but it wasnt in the cards.

Well I still have to work today. Twenty minutes before I have to leave. Not sure how the day will go as it sounds like several staff will be off. Me being the new hire/low man on the totem pole, in I go. 

Tonight..there will be WINE!!! 

Ciao!!

Well, I don’t live in S. Carolina…

Posted on by Jennifer GB

…so I was not the Mega Millions winner.  I still had to come into work today. Balls! Can you imagine the person that did win? One person with one ticket? Holy crow if I were them,  I would not announce publicly that I was the winner, that’s for certain.  Oh well, there is still the Powerball tonight!

Went home last night and did mundane things first before I settled in for the night like cleaned out the entire fridge and washed all the shelves and drawers. Tossed out all old food which now i have to go shopping. Great, right? Then i showered and sat down to do more embroidery on the banner for investiture this weekend and watched the rest of the series on Netflix “the Haunting of Hill House”. Pretty good. Not as scary to me as they were touting online in articles, but it was good. Had a good story line, etc.

Looking for suggestions for another series to watch. Any?

FYI

Posted on by Jennifer GB

I have a blog on blogspot where i log all my craft things that I do both SCA and mundane in nature. That blog has been around for ten years (?) so being the ditz that I am, it didn’t occur to me that perhaps I should drop a link here whenever I update it so others can see it as well.

https://theembroideress.blogspot.com/

I will have things I will be updating to it shortly when I complete them. Enjoy!

Also: Kyle’s pet scan is done. While I will wait for the dr to call me with the official results the tech said it looked good.  next week is MRI of his hand.

Wishes…

Posted on by Jennifer GB

So, I have this wish board. I read about it a while back, about putting out to the universe what you want and need and if your intentions are good, things would happen. I figured, what the hell and decided to make one up. It’s comprised of pictures of things that I want in my life…things I wish for.  Over the years the items have changed when surprisingly they come to fruition. A few of the pictures I had taken down in a fashion of giving up on it. Oddly, they came about shortly after. Believe it or not a picture of Nathan Fillian was on the board and when I took it down, a couple months later I met him at NYC Comic Con.  That was pretty cool.

I have been down a bit lately, still in my hermit phase after all the treatments and such (Yay, he’s cancer free!!) so I decided to do a little updating to my board.  My biggest thing I really want is a job change. My therapist says I am in a toxic environment at my place of business and that the owner is verbally abusive.  He isn’t there very often but when he does, if business is slow, he can be unpleasant to say the least. He never speaks badly when the other staff is around but if it is just he and I in the room, there are insults, snide and derogatory remarks and threats of job loss. I have looked for other positions but at the same time, the couple places I interviewed at aren’t willing to be obliging of the dr visits I still have to take my son to for his post treatment check ups.  So the couple places I interviewed at have not called back or sent notification that they position was given to another interviewee.  It’s causing major stress and disagreements within the family and with my spouse especially. Its hard to not take the owners remarks to heart and to let them roll off of me. I have never been able to do that. i was not built that way.  I’m weary and tired. My dream is to have a job where my crafts bring in an income to compare to where i work.  Or to have some type of work from home position that will do that as well.  I wouldn’t mind being a stay at home Mom again either or have the position to work from home.

The things on my wish board are obvious and don’t need explaining, but it’s a look into what I want in life. Goals. Dreams. Wishes.   Hell, my dream to visit Italy is coming true in October thanks to a wonderful sister in law. (love you Gia!) I am still in shock over that one..delightful shock.

Well, scouts time.

20170709_131050

Pursuit of Happiness..

Posted on by Jennifer GB

Happy. A word I have not used very often in the last several months.  I have been stressed, worried, sleep deprived, lonely and isolated at times and also spread very thin like so much butter on toast. My life became working, doing what I had to in order to keep the household going and my self care became secondary. I said “fuck it” to my diet and medication towards it and I know I have gained some of the weight I lost back in comfort eating (OM NOM NOM KRUSTY BREAD AND BROWNIES). I have not knit in weeks having finished my last project and buckled down to finish a committed embroidery project for the kingdom (SCA, FYI) which I did enjoy and looked great in my opinion. Most everything I did was what I HAD to do. Obligations I needed to fulfill. Happiness was fleeting and yes, I had brief moments of it, like when my son went a day or so without stomach illness from his chemo or that he ate solid food voluntarily, asking for it.  When my youngest would do his chores the first time I asked instead of repeated requests to take out the trash, pick up his Nerf darts before the dog ate them, do his laundry, etc.

These last two weeks, other than keeping a committed watch on my oldest to see if he spiked a fever, I can honestly say I have been happy.  It has come to my realization that my happiness is hinging on the wellness of my oldest of late. I worry about him so much with these treatments and how to keep him up both in weight and health. I’m constantly scrubbing his bathroom down. Diligent about his regimen of medications and shots and constantly trying to get him to eat food. I’m a bear about people using hand sanitizer that come to the house and making sure they are well before they come to begin with. If he is doing well, it allows my brain (as well as the rest of me) to relax and enjoy my surroundings.  This last week has been the best I felt in a while emotionally. Physically a little run down, as I managed to catch a sinus cold that lasted a day or two but has caused poor sleep patterns the whole week.

Last night, the neighbor called to let me know that today was the towns Apple Festival and its also the day that people do their last yard sale. This got me very excited! I love my town!   You’re probably asking…why?! Alright..side story. Everyone has seen E.T., right? Who hasn’t, right?! Remember the scene with all the kids walking around on Halloween? Glowing jack o lanterns everywhere, hundreds of kids walking around in glorious and creative costumes? That wonderful small town community you always read about? That’s what I have where I live. I love it here. The only thing I mildly dislike is the fact that we have to get our mail from a post office instead of having it delivered. Want to know why? The people of the community voted it to be that way so they could all socialize at the post office. And they do! Every one waves to you when you’re driving around or walking.  They stop to have a conversation..even in their car in the middle of the street. Its small but it has a lot. Dental office, fitness studio, gas station convenience mart combo, chiropractor, acupuncture, tiny pharmacy, bank, dance studio, barber, Dollar General, adorable library, a tiny town hall with some of the most friendliest people you’ve met. There is a great park a block away from my house. There is the fire house where they hold the cute carnival every year and the streets half shut down for it.  A Boy Scout troop at the local church. Local town sports association for the younger kids. The typical pizzeria, Chinese food, cutely named deli and a diner up the street. All within two miles of where I live. Down the road a few more miles is the just most wonderful little market called the Apple Bin that makes the best apple cider donuts and chocolate chip scones I’ve ever eaten. The store itself looks like something from Little House on the Prairie. Minus the spiders ALL THE PLACES, its my little bit of heaven and we found a wonderful house on a dead end street surrounded by trees in the middle of it. We even have great neighbors!

So, my youngest and his friend took a shift selling apple crisp at the festival for their Boy Scout Troop.  My husband and I, both lovers of a good yard sale, put the leash on Rolo, grabbed a couple bags (cause we actually are courteous and pick up the poo when he goes) and went out for a walk on the town to peruse the sales. Lots out there, but we settled on a replacement curling iron for myself (identical to the one I had but damn near new!!), and under the desk exercise bike for office jobs and a nice fur coat that I can rip apart for the viking garb. Its a lovely blond color and its rabbit fur. Hey, for five bucks, you cant go wrong with that. We ran into friends several times on our walk.   Rolo got to finally  meet a few dogs but he was a bit afraid around them even though they were all very friendly to him.  ALL the people stopped to pet him, say how cute he was, gush all over him and one couple even asked for the breeders name so they could contact her.  When we got back home, I ran a load of laundry and hung it on the line. We sat on the sun porch with cold drinks enjoying the glorious weather we were having. 70 degrees, low humidity and a nice breeze.  It was just a beautiful day and as I was sitting here waiting for LFR to pop in WoW, I realized I was happy and not just that but I had been happy for pretty much most of this past week.  Last night I started a pair of socks to put on the etsy store.  It feels good to be knitting again. I am doing that and working on an embroidery project.  I feel good. I feel happy. Im still a little tired, but it doesn’t damper the happiness I am feeling right now.

Kyle is at the halfway point in his treatments. Being over the proverbial hump and going down towards the second half feels good. The “road map” as they call it has a little over half a dozen more inpatient stays and that makes me feel good that the number is dwindling down.  We still have not made any plans till this is done in regards to weekend activities or vacations or the like. Just taking things day by day, week by week.  Make a Wish foundation came by to visit with him and ask what he wanted. We are unsure if they will grant it or not but, he asked for “a pool and a deck like at Aunt Colleen’s old house”.  They really couldn’t get anything else out of him that he wanted. Let’s face it, he’s a kid that knows what he wants.  We shall see if that is feasible to grant it. Its not like they can do anything with it now anyway being nearing the end of September.

The air has a crisp chill and fresh smell to it. Its suppose to be pretty chilly tonight. We have the windows open and even though my allergies are acting up from it, I love it. Perhaps we’ll light the fire-pit tonight and cook smores.  Right now, life feels pretty good. I hope this feeling lasts for a while. I know this whole thing has ups and downs but i am hoping for more ups than downs here on out.

Oh, and friends? There are so many of you that asked what you can do for us. The best thing you can do is keep in touch. Reach out to us..me. Call. IM. Email. Communication is what we need. Knowing you are still out there. Sometimes it feels like when the diagnosis was spoken, many said “let me know how I can help” and faded back from us. I need your company even if its just virtual.  With having to put our life on hold to give him all that he needs, it feels very isolating and a little lonely.  I miss my friends. I miss the SCA. I miss taking pictures. I miss wearing garb! I miss pageantry! The banners flying in the wind! The clash of weapons in the lists! The smell of glorious foods cooking and wafting from the kitchens. I miss life and the socializing.  Please, Stay in touch.

I am in pursuit of happiness everyday now. Im trying to find it in even the smallest things in each day.  I will not let this beat me and it certainly wont beat him. He is my ARMS warrior and he will beat this. I love my boy!