Another January Day…

Posted on by Jennifer GB

So I went to a class at the employment center yesterday on Civil Service jobs. Got some good information and came home and read it over last night with a cup of spiked coffee (Bailey’s if you’re wondering). When I got up this morning I looked up the clerical jobs that I was interested in taking tests for to find out today is the last day to apply to take the test. DANG! Thank you powers that be for lighting a fire under my ass. So i spent near an hour filling out three applications, locating my college transcripts and finding my payment history from unemployment so I have proof and can have the test fees waived. I think I’m developing carpal tunnel, lol! I know this path of employment may take a while so I will look for something local till hopefully one of these positions pop up and I am sent a canvasing letter. I have another class at the job center on Government jobs at 1:30 so I figure I’ll run and drop these off before than do my grocery shopping afterwards.

The kids have off this week due to some state testing they didn’t have to take so I am having some fun time with them. I think tomorrow we’ll go see Doolittle at the theaters. There are actually a few movies I’d like to go see: Jumanji 2, Little Women, Underwater…to name a couple. I am a bit of a horror movie girl. Nothing gory like Saw or the like, more like psychological or ghost type movies. Paranormal Activity had alternate endings that had me dashing down the unlit hallway at my previous house and jumping into bed. Yes, go ahead…chuckle. Sometimes I’m a wuss.

We have some snow here on the ground that fell on Saturday last. The below freezing temps have kept it from melting. I am longing for Spring and the warmer temps. Hubby and I have this plan to create a garden off the patio. We have become obsessed with this youtube channel of young asian woman in the South Western Province of China who lives with her grandparents and creates all this food from scratch. Also making household items as well. But I mean, she gets duck eggs from an outside source, has a chicken on her farm sit on them and hatch them. She then raises the ducks so she has the duck eggs to make this recipe. A lot of her videos are spanned over time. Making traditional ink from the soot of tung oil (that one I believe took 2 years). Her most recent one was growing cotton so she could harvest it and make a new mattress cover for her Grandmother. She did the same thing with silk worms and made a comforter and pajamas for her. Anyway the garden she has is huge and gorgeous covered in many varieties of vegetables and flower. We have plans to set up a smaller more modest version of hers. I’m like an addict and get notified whenever she uploads a new video and rush over to watch it. I’ve spread my addiction to other friends too.
( If you’re interested: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoC47do520os_4DBMEFGg4A) I have been researching what is good to grow in our zone, which is 6. I’m going to start collecting seeds and soon will start small indoor mini green houses to get them to sprout.

Well, gotta run these apps down to the county office before the class. Ciao!

Accountability

Posted on by Jennifer GB

I’ve been unemployed for about three months now. I was injured on the job by faulty equipment and while on workman’s compensation, they “eliminated my position”. I herniated two disks in my neck and pulled muscles down my left shoulder and back. The injury occurred in June. Being injured, depressed and not able to do normal routine or exercises, I’ve gained weight. 20 some pounds to be exact. Now, I am a plus sized woman to start with, so this isn’t saying I was a size 10 and ballooned up. But I was doing a low carb diet (which seems to be the only thing that works for me because of my PCOS) and had lost a good chunk of weight. Once I was injured and not able to even walk more than a few feet before pain would kick in, depression also kicked in and I am unfortunately an emotional eater. Since it was hard to cook, I did take out. When I weighed myself this morning to get an idea, it said….well I am not comfortable listing it here yet. Needless to say its the heaviest I have ever been to date. I signed up with the Weight Watcher’s app a few days ago and started it today after my weigh in….at home. I’m way too embarrassed to go to a meeting right now. I’ve never found them to be much help anyway.

I know one of my issues with helping to shed the weight is exercise. I have some injuries that I have sustained over the years aside from this recent one (broken back in 1997 in a car crash to name another) that make it hard to do a lot. Also, i detest exercise. Maybe because my injuries started when I was in high school (knee injury in sports). I love swimming. Its the least painful exercise I have found so far and we have a small above ground pool but honestly, that is only usable from June to September. Money is tight so a membership to a gym with an indoor pool is not in the budget right now. What is a girl to do?

I love food. All the things I love are bad for me or I’m allergic to (recently found out I’m allergic to bread yeast, cinnamon and mushrooms. YEA!! WTF!!). I am open to suggestions. I have no desire to be a runway model or wear a skimpy bikini next summer. Let’s face it..I have two children and have the stretch marks to prove it. My stomach should not see the light of day again. I just want to wear non plus size clothing and like my body. As much as I try to be a body positive plus sized woman, right now it’s very hard. I give kudos to those women out there that do it and look damn good! I never seem to look that good. I just about cry when I see myself in my bathroom vanity mirror and let me tell you.. I dont even look in a full length mirror cause that just amps up the body dis-morphia and depression.

So I ask my few readers out there…What is a girl to do?

I am open to suggestions, sites, etc. Help a sister out!

Another Fresh Start…

Posted on by Jennifer GB

Yea, I’m writing this at near 5am on January 5th, 2020. I always have these entries written in my head before I log on…hours before I log on and then when I get to the keyboard.. *POOF*…gone. Old age? Early onset senility? Who knows. It goes along with walking into a room with something i wanted to do or get and forgetting by the time I get there.

So I am my BF’s house. We crashed here so we could hang out late into the evening and we didn’t have to drive back home which is near 90 minutes away. We brought the whole family..including our three dogs. My husband was not thrilled with this. Honestly he isnt thrilled with the whole leaving the house on the weekends kinda thing. It’s really quite annoying. When we dated, he said “I’ll go anywhere with you and do anything with you because I want to spend time with you.” I warned him i traveled a lot, visited friends long distance a lot (because of a medieval recreation group Ive been in for 27 years) and that he had to be ok with that. He agreed said he was fine with that. 7 years later, not so much. Maybe some background history is in order. He grew up a bit of a loner, his Dad having one of those jobs that moved them around every few years. He said making friends was pointless if he was leaving in a short amount of time. So, he’s content to come home and either putter around the house on the weekends or just relax watching t.v. or video games. I was raised differently. My family was very social. I was raised by two teachers so I lived in one home for 18 years before moving to my Grandmother’s house across the street after she passed away. We went to friends houses on the weekends, even during the week. Summers were spent traveling around and vacationing up in New Hampshire on a lake with another family for a week. I loved it. I had/have dreams of traveling and seeing various sites around the world. I’ve been to Ireland, Italy and a few spots in Canada as well as 2/3’s of the United States. I have a list of places I want to visit. Him…not so much. He says he wants to travel but i think deep down inside that isnt true. Yesterday driving up he complained about going somewhere where he will sleep on an uncomfortable bed, sit on an uncomfortable couch and be uncomfortable in general. Massive chip on the shoulder and just bitchy. “But if I dont go you’ll be pissed at me”. How the fuck am I suppose to feel after he says that statement and we are halfway to the destination?! Honestly it makes me question a lot of things I realize over the years we have been together. Sweet romantic gestures in our first couple years and now nothing. Yea i know…that happens a lot. That’s settling into a marriage right? But those are the things that made me fall in love with him. The gestures, the promises, the plans we made. And now? Now it’s come home from work, eat dinner and fall asleep on the couch watching manly reality tv. (FYI I HATE reality tv. DRAMA! DRAMA! DRAMA!!) Take out dinner once a week. No desire to go anywhere on the weekends. No desire to do the home improvements we want to do because he’s tired (construction worker) and wants to relax. (then why did we buy a fixer upper house for God’s sake?!?!)

Yeah, I know. I’m ranting.I’m focusing on the bad. Every spouse has complaints and such they don’t like about their spouse after years of being together. I love him, but its a love/hate relationship sometimes. I’m sitting here with one of the dogs that had to go out at 3am. None of the other dogs would settle because we didn’t bring their crates. The one dog had a couple accidents (never has them at home) so I am thoroughly embarrassed about that even though they had no problems with it. He moped around on the sofa the whole night not saying a word and being completely antisocial. It looked like he was pouting at the fact that he couldnt be napping incessantly on the couch at home. I thought the bed was as comfortable as our own but it was a bit warm in the room (hell we crack a window in the winter..we like a cool bedroom to sleep in) so I stayed downstairs and lounged on the couch with the the one pooch I took outside. She settled and napped but now she’s whining and wanting her two “siblings”. Im dwelling and stewing over everything.

Then I thought, perhaps he acts this way because he has anxieties that he is afraid to tell me about? i know he has them about some simple things like answering the house phone and going to the bank for some reason. (don’t ask I don’t get it either) But my question is, could that be it? I dont know. But its making me want to just LEAVE him home and go do the things I want to do on the weekends like travel and visit friends with my boys. I love him. I’m not leaving him..but damn it there has to be some kind of compromise or something so that love/hate doesnt become more hate than love.

What do you think? And now the dog is whining to go out again. I think the chew bone my friends gave her as a christmas present didnt agree with her. Joy. Next posting with be more positive, about the holidays and such which were wonderful!

Ciao…dog duties call.