Its just one of those days

Posted on by Jennifer GB

You know the kind. Nothing goes right no matter what you try. Last night it was knitting related. I was trying a new pattern, a shawl for a co worker that I got the design off of Ravelry. This is the pattern: https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/18-petale-de-rose
I started at lunch at work attempting this pattern. My friends have told me if I can do socks I can do anything since socks can be complicated. So, what the hell! I believed them and picked this up. Ordered the yarn for it off Amazon which took forever to be delivered because, come to find out, it was being shipped from Turkey. I really wish it would be more prominently displayed on Amazon where the item you’re interested in buying is shipping from. So I started the pattern during my lunch hour at work. I think I tore it out at least twice during that time and said I’d consult with my expert friends when I got home. So, I preceded to try again, tore it out. Tried a second time and was frustrated. Took a pic and sent to my friends. They’d never done it so, they were unsure either. Tried again two more times (so this is 6 total since lunch) and failed again. I growled loudly, tore it out again, wrapped it up and threw it across the room, giving up. Then I promptly poured a LARGE glass of wine and logged onto World of Warcraft and killed things in there for about two hours to burn out the frustration, then went to bed still stewing over it.

Technically a day is 24 hours so, this continued to this morning. Slept like crap after waking up in the middle of the night with a bought of acid reflux (probably from the wine) and had to take meds for that but took some time to get back to sleep so when the alarm went off, I was still exhausted. I’d have just called out but the lady I assist needs me to drive her to meetings today so, that wasn’t an option. Was doing prep for SCA Coronation this weekend, digging out some fabric to take to work to cut out (conference room table is huge and great for this) and was discussing it with my friend on her drive to work phone call, when she questioned how the drive for me was less than the drive for her to the site. So I then looked up the distance and drivetime to the event, which I planned on day tripping because I can’t afford a hotel room to stay up there when I’m going on vacation on the 10th with my kids to Florida, to realize it was almost four hours one way to the event site. Well, maybe 15 years ago I could gung ho it for almost four hours each way for an SCA event but not anymore. I annoyingly admitted defeat to myself, told my friend I guess I wasn’t going to be able to come and stopped digging for fabric to cut out at work. Hung up the phone and went to my computer to post on the group page I couldn’t attend. When I hit post, it marked it as spam and set it to pend for approval. (Anger amped up 10 fold). I have had this ongoing problem for about three or so months now that all my posts to groups I am a member of on Facebook are marked as spam and go to pending for approval. Even if the group does not have the posting settings set that way. I have contacted the help center, entered a bug report multiple times, found an email online where I can report a bug but got no response from that. I get no write backs from FB saying why its happening nor have they notified me that I had done something wrong to deserve what is happening when I post. (anger amped up another 10 fold) I don’t know about you reader (if there in fact are any out there) but this is the point where I messaged my friend and told her not to count on me to assist her during this reign because of the placement of events being all up north and not having the funds to constantly get hotel rooms. That my participation will most likely be all virtual because of it. And then, like a 10 year old having a melt down I typed to her that at this point with all the other issues I have dealt with in the SCA (posted on it previously) that I am at the point of being ready to quit it entirely and just say fuck it all.

So here I am, sitting at work typing out my frustrations instead of actually, you know, working. I leave in fifteen mins to take the counselor to the school for her meetings. Another counselor came in to tell me about work that has to be done ASAP (which all her work seems to have to be done that way) in my minute amount of time i have when I’ll actually be in the office and the only thing I actually want to do is go home, put on my jammies, crawl back into bed, have a good cry and go to sleep till 2025. Or at least till I leave for Florida on the 10th. I am so tired. But instead, I’m going to get the forms the counselor needs for the meetings, grab my sock knitting for between the meetings (because socks apparently are the only thing I’m good at knitting and should give up trying anything else), snag one of the energy drinks I have in the office fridge and drive to the local high school for the meetings and try not to fall asleep during them. If anyone has any energy to spare, please send it my way. Until later my friends

Ciao.

Post Turkey Day

Posted on by Jennifer GB

Because of the dumpster fire that is 2020, Thanksgiving day, which is normally just my hubby and I, had my two sons with us for the first time in 11 years. The travel restrictions kept them from spending the holiday with their dad, sadly. Thank goodness for video calls though.

Anyway, made 4300 steps alone doing cooking help for hubby, who does 90% of the cooking. Dinner was turkey, sweet potato casserole, dressing/stuffing (which ever you choose to call it), mashed potatoes cranberry sauce, peas, home made crescent rolls, gravy, pumpkin pie and brownies. Other than the box mix brownies and canned cranberry sauce,, all was made from scratch. Oh and wine…of course wine.

I had small amounts of everything (except cranberry sauce, blech) and only had a tiny second helping of sweet potatoes. I skipped pie and had a small brownie.

Drank a lot of water before and after. Sat on my butt the rest of the night and played world of warcraft. Today its get in at least 8000 steps.

No real weight loss yet but I’m trying not to stress it. Lots of things happening this year making it emotionally hard to stay on track. 2 deaths in the family. Suicidal deer totalling my car and me having to buy a new one. New job…and a desk job no less so not adding movement there, but I do like it a lot and who I work with. Corona virus restrictions from going damn near anywhere but my yard practically. All three of the corgis had medical issues that ran us close to $4000 dollars.

So yea, stress. On the up side I have gone over 3 months with out more than a half a glass of diet coke.

I’m lying in bed writing this post and planning my day. Also getting the gumption to get up out of bed and start the day but hubby is warm and cuddly and bed feels so good and the “I dont wannas” are strong. I’m the only one working today but at least its from home remoting in.

Ah well. Time to get the coffee and Jumpstart the heart. Have a good day peeps!

Shitastic week

Posted on by Jennifer GB

A while ago I had given up Diet Coke. I had gone over a year without having any. Then something stressful happened Im sure (because i can’t rightly remember right now) and I started drinking it again. Two days ago i decided to give it up again. Today marks day 2 without drinking Diet Coke. While I wasn’t drinking it like I use to, I’m sure it will still be hard to resist. I’m not a water drinker. Never have been. If its really cold on a hot day or I’d just finished working out, then i can drink it. Otherwise, i don’t like it. I use Mio to tolerate it. So I am now working up to drinking the minimum 64 ounces a day with a hopes to hit the 1 gallon mark down the road. I’d bought that one container that was a gallon but it is a bit unwieldy and a pain to carry around and to work. I mean, the damn thing comes with a shoulder strap! Also, the ice melts too fast in it so it doesn’t stay cold. I think I jumped the gun and overestimated myself when i saw that on a friends page and bought it. It’s currently sitting on my dishwasher looking forlorn and abandoned.

My cousin died this week. She found out in July she had stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Sadly I didn’t find out till about two or so weeks ago when my sister told me. She went so fast. She was so young. She left behind her husband and three children, two of which are on the spectrum. I really didn’t get to see her outside of family gatherings because of the distance between our homes, but when we did, it was always full of laughs, smiles and love. I hate that she’s gone. I hate that I wont see her at future parties. I hate that she was taken so young. She was only 40. Why do the good ones die young?! It took about an hour after my sister told me she’d passed for it to sink in and then I started crying. I will miss you, cuz.

Being an emotional eater, I did cave to it some but not nearly what I would normally. I mean, I have never been one of those type of people that say they sit in their car outside of the grocery store and eat an entire cheesecake. I mean yea I’m a big woman but never, ever could i do that. Id barf if i ate more than two pieces. I could have maybe three cookies and a glass of milk and that is so filling i wouldn’t eat for hours. One of the reasons I always wondered why I’d gotten so heavy. I don’t really snack. i log my food into the “Lose it” app on my phone and i rarely go over my allotted calories I’d set in order to lose the weight in the time I’d set. I avoid bread, pasta, rice and sugar as much as possible. I try to get 8k to 10k steps in every day but with the desk job now its a bit harder. Weight loss is so frustrating. Why can’t I have a fast metabolism and eat whatever I want like a lot of my friends?! LOL!

Yesterday they called and told me my car was totaled. I’d heard this from the auto body shop the day before, and that sent me into another whirl of stress and emotion. They told me my Honda CRV 2010 was only work about $5400. When i looked up the payoff amount, it was at $6300. So I owed more than it was worth. All types of mental self beating ensued. “I was an idiot to pay so much for the car four years ago!” “Why didn’t i get gap insurance!” “I was naïve when i bought the car and the asshole salesman pulled a fast one on me and I didn’t know!” Yea..I ran down that mental path crying and punching myself. Then the angel at my insurance company called and informed me that my vehicle was actually worth closer to $9000 and I would actually get money back to put towards a new vehicle. Let me tell you I nearly got onto my desk at work and danced at that news. When I told them what the collision center said it was worth, she said they didn’t know their ass from a hole in the ground when it comes to car value. So, now I only have my rental for 7 more days and I have to car shop. Guess what I’ll be doing this weekend? I went this morning and cleaned out the last couple things from the old car and got my license plates. Good-bye Safira. You were a good little car.

Stress is a horrible thing. I can handle a little bit and not go over the edge. But between the death of my cousin, the car, mentally going from I will owe money for the now dead car to i don’t owe money and I’ll be getting money back is a horrific roller coaster ride. My boys visit their father this weekend. I think there will be a bit of wine drinking after the car shopping. Cause I’m sure THAT won’t be stressful at all!!